Struggles of a Creative
So I'm coming to terms with the fact that I probably need to be my own boss. I had an anxiety attack today, because I had to go to work. This was new for me, normally I can talk myself into going but today was a no go. I couldn't get out of bed, and when I did I hid in the bathroom. It might be the repetition of my job that has me in a funk but I don't like it. So I called out and signed up for Talk Space, which is a therapist app. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go sit in a chair and talk just yet so this was the next best thing.
A few hours later I'm in the zone finishing up the first chapter of JAX, and realizing I really enjoy writing. Yes, this is my 2nd blog and I've been off and on with the consistency but I'm pretty much at peace when I'm writing. I kind of wish I realized this when I was in college but you don't know who you are until you're at least in your late 20's. I've always been creative, I just never knew what paths were open to me. Yes, I could have been more proactive and researched things when I was younger but you don't get wise over night.
So here I am getting my feelings out and pondering what my next life move will be. I'm saying all of this because if you truly enjoy doing something pursue it. Learn its different avenues and figure out which one fits you best. My biggest fear is wasting time and my potential. I know I've done both in the past and I feel like I'm playing catch up. When I graduated from college my country was in a recession and all the jobs were little to none, so most of my young adult life was in retail. I feel like my current job was the first to pay me a living wage, even though it runs me into the ground. I fear that if I leave I won't have the stability I have know, but if I stay I will probably lose my mind and have a broken up body.
I remember being fearless, now I feel like I fear everything. So today I'm making a change and taking the steps I need to become better mentally and physically. Hopefully I'll be able to sustain myself with writing, considering it wasn't my major or favorite subject when I was younger. But the freedom to create is what I want so I have to take the steps to get there. Don't be afraid to fall, its the only way to fly.
Didd1y
A few hours later I'm in the zone finishing up the first chapter of JAX, and realizing I really enjoy writing. Yes, this is my 2nd blog and I've been off and on with the consistency but I'm pretty much at peace when I'm writing. I kind of wish I realized this when I was in college but you don't know who you are until you're at least in your late 20's. I've always been creative, I just never knew what paths were open to me. Yes, I could have been more proactive and researched things when I was younger but you don't get wise over night.
So here I am getting my feelings out and pondering what my next life move will be. I'm saying all of this because if you truly enjoy doing something pursue it. Learn its different avenues and figure out which one fits you best. My biggest fear is wasting time and my potential. I know I've done both in the past and I feel like I'm playing catch up. When I graduated from college my country was in a recession and all the jobs were little to none, so most of my young adult life was in retail. I feel like my current job was the first to pay me a living wage, even though it runs me into the ground. I fear that if I leave I won't have the stability I have know, but if I stay I will probably lose my mind and have a broken up body.
I remember being fearless, now I feel like I fear everything. So today I'm making a change and taking the steps I need to become better mentally and physically. Hopefully I'll be able to sustain myself with writing, considering it wasn't my major or favorite subject when I was younger. But the freedom to create is what I want so I have to take the steps to get there. Don't be afraid to fall, its the only way to fly.
Didd1y
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